I woke up this morning hating this shitty little blog and I am on the verge of trashing it. Since no one's reading it, I might as well be writing a private diary.
Someone wrote on FB: "unloved, unrecognized, burned out?"
Unloved, unrecognized, for sure. When I compare my viewership, engagement, and opportunities for remuneration to what other blogs have, I am ready to throw in the towel. I have sunk 7 years into this blog, and while I thought I was doing good stuff, I woke up to the fact that I was deluding myself.
As far as burnout is concerned, I suppose that it's too soon to complain. I reactivated the blog only in mid-August after a year and a half absence in which I experienced severe stress in my life.
While I am sure that many in the world have gone through a lot worse, I have gone through a *long* rough patch in my life. I don't think that I've seen the end of it. Right when I am picking myself up, re-energizing my blog, and otherwise re-engaging myself in life, I am fearful of backsliding. I have had a lot of financial problems and my mother died after a nearly a year of accelerating decline. I lost 30 pounds - not by design, but my weight loss was induced by stress. Eating was distasteful, I had to force myself to eat, and I lost 20 pounds in one month. I underwent a shocking change in appearance. In addition, I lost a lot of hair - I hated to wash my hair, as wads of hair would come out with every shampoo: enough to fill my hand. I lost interest in my appearance and would just throw clothes on. I didn't have income left to buy new clothes to accommodate my weight loss: my clothes just hanged on me and my tops got so stained that I wouldn't even give them to Goodwill. I'm still wearing them. Hardly the stuff of someone who is purported to be a style and beauty blogger.