Monday, November 07, 2011

Pissed

I woke up this morning hating this shitty little blog and I am on the verge of trashing it. Since no one's reading it, I might as well be writing a private diary.

Someone wrote on FB: "unloved, unrecognized, burned out?"

Unloved, unrecognized, for sure. When I compare my viewership, engagement, and opportunities for remuneration to what other blogs have, I am ready to throw in the towel. I have sunk 7 years into this blog, and while I thought I was doing good stuff, I woke up to the fact that I was deluding myself.

As far as burnout is concerned, I suppose that it's too soon to complain. I reactivated the blog only in mid-August after a year and a half absence in which I experienced severe stress in my life.

While I am sure that many in the world have gone through a lot worse, I have gone through a *long* rough patch in my life.  I don't think that I've seen the end of it.  Right when I am picking myself up, re-energizing my blog, and otherwise re-engaging myself in life, I am fearful of backsliding.  I have had a lot of financial problems and my mother died after a nearly a year of accelerating decline. I lost 30 pounds - not by design, but my weight loss was induced by stress. Eating was distasteful, I had to force myself to eat, and I lost 20 pounds in one month. I underwent a shocking change in appearance. In addition, I lost a lot of hair - I hated to wash my hair, as wads of hair would come out with every shampoo: enough to fill my hand. I lost interest in my appearance and would just throw clothes on. I didn't have income left to buy new clothes to accommodate my weight loss: my clothes just hanged on me and my tops got so stained that I wouldn't even give them to Goodwill. I'm still wearing them. Hardly the stuff of someone who is purported to be a style and beauty blogger.

7 comments:

Emma said...

who said no-ones reading it?

Anonymous said...

who said no one is reading it?

Halifax @ Sparkled Beauty said...

I was wondering what happened. Thank you for opening up and I'm sorry you've been through so much in the last year or so. Getting back to things after a long MIA is hard, either it's blogging or just life, so take your time and be kind to yourself (I'm speaking from experience, not trying to preach). Take 1 step at a time to get by and choose to do something you enjoy doing. Hang in there!

Julie said...

So nice to hear from you after a long time Halifax. I've now subscribed to your blog via Feedburner so that I can have it "pushed" to my inbox.

MarciaF said...

Please don't feel so badly. You have so many readers - I get your blog by email and read it daily. Don't give up.

Elvira said...

being gone for over a year will take its toll on readership. Give it time. Remember why you write this blog. You write because you are passionate about beauty. If you feel you have lost that passion then maybe it is time...but I doubt that is the case. You don't even need to spend money on product to have the ability to post. Try doing a series about your favorite items. Or debunk beauty myths or give yourself a 10 pan challenge and report on your success. There are so many things that people like to read about aside from new releases. I know you have it in you to succeed. You wouldn't be so upset over thinking about quitting if you didn't!

RHOyal Fiasco said...

Never
never
never
give up...